Hi guys, today I want to talk about fear of rejection. It’s a huge thing and I’m seeing it all around me at the minute. So much so that I was up at four o’clock this morning writing a post, to put on Facebook, to tell people how I really felt about this because I had a huge epiphany. And I will share that with you in a few minutes. But first of all, I want to talk about what fear of rejection really is, where it comes from, and how it can derail us because I’ve spent the majority of my life been derailed by fear of rejection until I found EFT and released it.
Fear of rejection really is our brains way of keeping us safe. If you’ve worked with me before, or you follow my Facebook page, you’ll know that I talk about the fear response and the fact that we’re wired to look out for risk and danger as humans, it’s pretty common knowledge. That’s the way the primitive brain is wired, and our Amygdala will fire if we sense that we’re under threat in any way. When we have micro traumas, for example we may have been rejected by a boyfriend or asked someone out on a date and been rejected or asked a parent for a hug, and they didn’t have the time and we got shouted out, all of these seemingly little things can add up. Any trauma gets locked in our cells, in the body. So we can carry these things throughout an entire lifetime.
If you explore it deeply enough, with a Practitioner to keep you safe, you will find the first time that you ever experienced that. It may be something big, it may be something small but irrespective you will have made it mean something in that moment about you and you will have made a decision about yourself and what you will or will not ask for in the future. So if for example, you asked a parent for a hug and you didn’t get it, and instead you got yelled at, that will have been taken as a rejection. And you will have thought, probably on an unconscious level, I’m never going to ask for what I want again, because it’s not safe.
Over the course of our everyday lives, we have tons and tons of rejections, tons and tons of things that can be perceived that way to our conscious minds. The issue here is that the trauma gets locked in your cells, and as a child we don’t know how to deal with it so, oftentimes, we carry it through our whole life and it amalgamates and it gets built upon and built upon and built upon. What happens then is that, in the unconscious mind, anything that feels to us physically or emotionally like that initial rejection, we will avoid at all costs. Read that bit again and let it sink in…..
It could have nothing to do with what you experienced way back when but because it makes you feel the same way, it makes you contract, it makes your Amygdala fire because you still feel like you’re under some kind of threat, then your body will react the same way. Your mind will react the same way, you will run in the opposite direction. And you will probably avoid doing whatever it is that reminds you of that. That could be not going for the promotion. That could be not saying yes to a marriage proposal. It could be ending a relationship because you’ve got fear about how it’s going to work out in the future, your conscious mind would rather get in there first if you like.
There’s all sorts of ways that this can show up. But what’s really intriguing to me at the moment is that there are lots and lots of heart centred business owners out there – therapists, healers, coaches etc – who could help you with that. And they’re not showing up either – potentially because of their fear of rejection, that unconscious fear of rejection.
So what does that will leave us in? It leaves us in a pickle because we’ve got people who need help with things and we’ve got practitioners who aren’t showing up to help with those things because they’re too scared to get out there. So I am putting together a little course to help the practitioners and therapists dissolve a lot of this fear of rejection and get out there to help the people who need them. And I want to help you too, if fear of rejection is getting in the way of your life in any way.
So, here is a little tapping exercise anyone can do to help alleviate these feelings. I will caveat this by saying please do not go into heavy and traumatic memories here, please keep yourself emotionally safe.
Tap on the Side of Hand or Karate Chop point and say the following;
Any and all times where I may have felt rejected
Or felt abandoned
Or not accepted
For any reason
I would like to release that now
I would like to let go of this charge in my body
That carries the association to being rejected
That then impacts my life on going
Allowing my body to relax now
Being open to looking at this
And being even more open to letting it go
Relaxing and releasing
Relaxing and letting go of all these rejections
All these times where I felt unsafe
All these times where I felt not good enough
All of these times where my survival was threatened
Anytime I felt not good enough
Any cellular memory relating to rejection
Beginning to allow it to dissolve now
Relaxing and feeling safe now.
Okay, come to a stop and just take a nice deep breath. And I just want you to check in with your body. If any part of your body just had a sudden relax, where you feel less tight, less constricted, less contracted, that will be a sign that you have released one or more memories or blockages that were holding you back because of the Fear of Rejection.
Well done! I hope this helped you.
Feel free to reach out and let me know if you need some extra help, I am always here for you.
See you again soon.